We are scientists - you are clowns

Professor Nicholas Gotelli (University of Vermont) was invited to debate one of the clowns at the Discovery Institute.Click here for the full text of their invitation and the Prof's devastating rebuttal where he declines the invitation.

Man I wish I could put people down this precisely whilst remaining polite at all times - it'd be an awesome superpower, just call me Captain CutDown!

So, I hope you understand why I am declining your offer. I will wait patiently to read about the work of creationists in the pages of Nature and Science. But until it appears there, it isn't science and doesn't merit an invitation.

Zing!

Enemies of reason

"I want to believe" Mulder had that on a poster of a 'UFO' if I remember correctly - and that's the whole thing right there isn't it? If you really want there to be aliens/deities/zombies then that'll be the first place you go to...

Derren Brown will be familiar to most Britons - he performs illusions, acts of mentalism and so forth, rather brilliantly too. One of Brown's most admirable characteristics is his insistence that its all a trick, the result of various techniques expertly applied. Here he's in conversation with Richard Dawkins about how so-called psychics work...



Oh by the way, it's clip 1 of 6.

Human virus scanner

They say:
During our research for "Don't Cross the Memes" we encountered several potent memetic viruses. Six months later we have perfected a simple yet effective human virus detector. Scan yourself, or scan your friends.

* Each page of the scanner contains a grid of simple gray images
* Highlight the images you recognise by clicking on them
* Once you've marked all the images you recognise, move on by pressing Next
* After you complete the last page the system will automatically assess your exposure to currently known memetic viruses and suggest remedial actions

And my results back from the cyber doc:

The virus that have infected you will be show here along with thier cures, if known.

Viruses you suffer from:

Junkfood

Eat some real food. Something which you can identify the source of every ingredient, not the point of manufacture.

Sci-fi

Stop wearing the stick-on ears.

BBCB

CTRL-Break, and get a real computer. Repeat: "Mode 7 was not a good thing."

8-Bit

Polygons, all the polygons you can get are not enough.

British

No need for cure. Benign virus.

Windows

Try MacOS X. It's based on UNIX, it has a smoother UI than Windows and it doesn't suck.
As an extra feature the boxes look nice.

Politics

Stop caring!

Brand Names

Having a well-known name doesn't make it good.

Hippyism

Free love is passe and potentially dangerous, and patchouli smells like cat piss.

Conspiracy Theory

Face it, the elected government is in control. Actually that's quite scary.

Environmentalism

Consume more stuff! It's easier to buy new stuff than to recycle.

Macintosh

Use a mouse with more than one button.

Prog Rock

Long hair looks dumb with a bald spot. Listen to CD's they don't crackle.

Cars

There just hunks of metal which go real fast. Ride a bike through London at rush hour.

Viruses you might suffer from:

Pokemon (60%)

Pikachu! Use your hyper-electric-get-a-life move now!

Linux (80%)

Install the latest version of Microsoft Windows. Learn to love it.

USA (90%)

Rule, Britannia! Britannia rule the waves! [repeat]

Goth (90%)

Grow up. Let your roots grow out. Listen to Britney.

Religion (70%)

Read "God's Debris" by Scott Adams (yes, the Dilbert guy)

Japan (60%)

Big is good. Small is bad. Giant robots would not make a good last line of defence for Earth.

Discordia (70%)

Buy a suit. Invest your money. Eat hotdog buns on a friday.

Computer Games (80%)

Stop staring at the screen and get some fresh air. You should see a doctor about the RSI in your thumbs.

Football (75%)

Do something unhealthy and indoors, away from the Bears.

All simplistic stuff but interesting and quick nontheless have a go here

Ass Licking = My New Religion

Mystery, the strangely compelling, ridiculously behatted seduction guru and host of VH-1's The Pick-Up Artist, opened my mind this weekend to a whole new kind of spirituality when he said, in this interview,

"ass licking isn't a fetish, it's spiritual."

Finally, a kind of worship I can get behind! (Rimshot.) I even know the perfect hymn for us to use in our services! C'mon! Who's with me?

He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy

He may not be familiar to our cousins abroad but disgraced former UK spy David Shayler has revealed that he is the Messiah. Previously best known as a former MI5 (British Security Service) officer who was prosecuted under the Official Secrets Act after passing documents to the Mail on Sunday newspaper in August 1997.

Shayler called a news conference to reveal more details.

Mr Shayler said: "I am the last incarnation of the Holy Ghost. As the Holy Spirit is God incarnate as essence, I am God incarnated as spirit and man."

Obviously supplying copy to Mail on Sunday means it's characteristic strident tone rubs off on you Richard Littlejohn Shayler said: "It is absolutely clear to me that the world is going to hell in a handcart.
"Few would dispute that humanity needs a Messiah to get it through these difficult times."

Realising his announcement would lead to questions over his sanity, he conceded: "This is all rather embarrassing for someone who was an atheist technocrat three years ago."

Far be it from me to dwell on the stress and paranoia associated with being a member and subsequent enemy of a covert security service, but I'd imagine it's enough to give the most robust psyche a little twinge.

Having spent time first-hand witnessing a range of mental health issues I've always thought that one of the most ironic things about certain nervous breakdowns is that whilst the subject's perception is that the most singular, amazing one-off thing is happening... the list of people who've been there already is most galling - "Oh you're the messiah? Take a seat, you're number 7 tonight"

What is your dangerous idea?

Every year Edge poses a question meant to stimulate rational thinkers in the empirical world. In 2006 Steven Pinker suggested "What is your dangerous idea?", not dangerous because it's an ultimate weapon or a diabolical theory, dangerous because it may be true - or it might cause you to ask a difficult question.

Charles Seife suggested that nothing can be more dangerous than nothing, Susan Blackmore asked if everything might in fact be pointless. Habitual controversy magnet Richard Dawkins on the subject of eugenics asks "what is the moral difference between breeding for musical ability and forcing a child to take music lessons"

I'm beguiled by dangerous ideas, I love to watch a stand-up comedian who is pushing the boundary of what the audience regards as acceptable. It's delicious when they tell a joke that excedes the boundary but is so funny that everybody laughs before they've had a chance to filter it as 'unacceptable content' it's a very piquant laugh that leaves the audience complicit in the 'crime'.

What's your dangerous idea? Or would you like to guess which one of the following I may believe today...

• A vote is not a right, it should be earned
  
  
• Some countries would benefit from benevolent colonialism
  
  
• Fans of celebrity/talent shows should be sterilised
  
  
• The smarter you are, the less happy you'll be