Top Ten Moments in the Race for "Pastor-in-Chief"

30-Day Sex Challenge

If you're married, schtupp your spouse every day for the next 30 days. If you're single, keep it in your pants. The challenge is posed by a church, and they have a blog where idiots can post the tiresome minutia of their pathetic lives. Just like us. Well, me, specifically.

Let us bow our heads in thanks for atheists

This journalist is able to sum up the personalities of all atheists in one column of, er, column. All kidding aside, I'm sure none of you Godless demons would stick your neck out to defend Xtians (why bother, we're all going to nowhere in the end anyway...). Let's see, have I failed to taunt anyone sufficiently? Hey bulimics: stop fucking barfing already!

My painful life

I was browsing in one of Milton Keynes bookshops this week. I know paper and card how quaint, what a Victorian affectation. I was interested in reading about contemporary political journalism and was keen to revisit those heady days of the early nineties when a page of political analysis didn't have a thread composed of dimwits hurling abuse at each other at the bottom as a matter of course.

This particular bookshop doesn't have a section devoted to journalism. Frustrating for me, but I suppose unlike their competitors with virtual miles of pristine shelving they have to make tough decisions about what exactly does get shelf space.

And so it was a mixture of surprise and contempt that I discovered two whole bookcases dedicated to... well I was so flabbergasted I had to take a picture with my somewhat poor camera phone (click it for bigness)...


Painful Lives. There is now a literary genre called Painful Lives. As a graphic designer these books offend me, it certainly won't be the first or last time that a massive bestseller's design style is aped by a load of 'me too' wanabees but it still pisses me off. White or cream background? Check. B/W or Sepia pic of mournful looking child? Check. Hideous script font? Check. Now we simply top it off with a promo line promising tales of abuse on a scale previously unimagined.

That's right the Painful Lives genre was started with tales of poverty, simple Oirish poverty, but is now stories of horrific childhood abuse.

Contemporary British culture and commentary would have you believe that there is no crime more heinous and unspeakable than abusing a child. Well I say unspeakable except for the miles of newsprint dedicated to it, the desperate hand wringing discussions; and presumably after a hard days toil a significant proportion of Britons retire to bed with a weighty volume full of the stuff. Am I the only person who finds this creepy in the extreme?

Catholic Children's Costumes

Why? I think the website covers that...

Why Catholic Children's Costumes?

Aside from the obvious Catholic reasons, we are absolutely horrified at the costumes that are being offered this season.

Want to dress your little girl like a street walker or jail bait?

Perhaps you'd like to encourage pedophilia.

This company has the solution.

And it looks so darling! Hmmm, but I do like to encourage pedophilia... oof I'm torn.

Spray It, Don't Say It

Too Easy

Rio de Janeiro's world-famous statue of Christ the Redeemer was struck by lightning during a thunderstorm over the Brazilian city on Sunday.

Turn me on

Just wow

Project Title: Better Living Through God

Best. Science project. Ever.

Question: Do unchristians make less moral choices than Christians?

Hypothesis: The Bible is the perfect guide to life that shows us how to be moral people. Without believing in the Bible you can't know God and he can't guide you and give you rewards for being a good person. I think people who aren't Christian will be less successful.

Experiment: I will interview thirty people and ask them if they are Christian. I will give them the same questions so I have a control sample. I think they are immoral if they score lower than 15.

Questions I will ask. There are 20 points available.
1. Have you ever spoke the name of our Lord in vain?
2. Have you ever killed another human being?
3. Have you every lied?
4. Have you ever had relations before marriage?
5. Do you go to church every Sunday or once a week?
6. Do you wish you had more stuff?
7. Do you gossip?
8. Do you give to charity?
9. Do you listen to rap or heavy metal music?
10. Have you ever had an abortion or been pro-choice?
11. Have you ever read Harry Potter or Spiderwick Chronicles or the Golden Compass?
12. Do you see movies with unwholesome content?
13. Do you pray every day?
14. Do you believe that God is the creator of heaven and earth?
15. Are you overweight because you eat too much?
16. Do you take pride in accomplishments other than service to God?
17. Do you put God and Jesus first?
18. Do you view pornography?
19. Do you practice temperance in every thing you do?
20. Are you quick to anger?

The conclusions. Hooray for the scientific method!

And hooray for Sysm for sending me this little delight.

My answers are in the comment hole.

Richard Dawkins Memorial Service

Richard Dawkins has proven to be one of the most wicked human beings to ever walk the earth. Preachingyourfuneral.com plans to have a funeral service for Mr. Dawkins On Friday.




P.S. Mr. Dawkins is not yet dead. "Preaching your funeral before you die is a dramatization of what will happen when individuals die rejecting Christ."

P.P.S. The "memorial" is not for Chocolate Thunder. He's actually the 7th most wicked man to walk the Earth. So no doubt they'll work their way down to him in about five weeks.