The Devil's dictionary

Texas Strangers

'Psychic' tip-off sparks police hunt for mass grave in Texas

Police in Texas are investigating whether a tip-off from a woman claiming to be a psychic that sparked a hunt for a mass grave of dismembered bodies, including children, was a hoax.

Officers raided a rural farmhouse in Hardin, north-east of Houston, after receiving a report that up to 30 bodies were hidden inside. But police gave up the search hours later after nothing untoward had been found.

"There's no crime scene," said Liberty County judge Craig McNair.

Yes well there is one really big clue as to why no bodies turned up...

...can you guess what it is?

If it looks like a duck...

worth 1,000 words

Enemies of reason

"I want to believe" Mulder had that on a poster of a 'UFO' if I remember correctly - and that's the whole thing right there isn't it? If you really want there to be aliens/deities/zombies then that'll be the first place you go to...

Derren Brown will be familiar to most Britons - he performs illusions, acts of mentalism and so forth, rather brilliantly too. One of Brown's most admirable characteristics is his insistence that its all a trick, the result of various techniques expertly applied. Here he's in conversation with Richard Dawkins about how so-called psychics work...



Oh by the way, it's clip 1 of 6.

Project Title: Better Living Through God

Best. Science project. Ever.

Question: Do unchristians make less moral choices than Christians?

Hypothesis: The Bible is the perfect guide to life that shows us how to be moral people. Without believing in the Bible you can't know God and he can't guide you and give you rewards for being a good person. I think people who aren't Christian will be less successful.

Experiment: I will interview thirty people and ask them if they are Christian. I will give them the same questions so I have a control sample. I think they are immoral if they score lower than 15.

Questions I will ask. There are 20 points available.
1. Have you ever spoke the name of our Lord in vain?
2. Have you ever killed another human being?
3. Have you every lied?
4. Have you ever had relations before marriage?
5. Do you go to church every Sunday or once a week?
6. Do you wish you had more stuff?
7. Do you gossip?
8. Do you give to charity?
9. Do you listen to rap or heavy metal music?
10. Have you ever had an abortion or been pro-choice?
11. Have you ever read Harry Potter or Spiderwick Chronicles or the Golden Compass?
12. Do you see movies with unwholesome content?
13. Do you pray every day?
14. Do you believe that God is the creator of heaven and earth?
15. Are you overweight because you eat too much?
16. Do you take pride in accomplishments other than service to God?
17. Do you put God and Jesus first?
18. Do you view pornography?
19. Do you practice temperance in every thing you do?
20. Are you quick to anger?

The conclusions. Hooray for the scientific method!

And hooray for Sysm for sending me this little delight.

My answers are in the comment hole.

Human virus scanner

They say:
During our research for "Don't Cross the Memes" we encountered several potent memetic viruses. Six months later we have perfected a simple yet effective human virus detector. Scan yourself, or scan your friends.

* Each page of the scanner contains a grid of simple gray images
* Highlight the images you recognise by clicking on them
* Once you've marked all the images you recognise, move on by pressing Next
* After you complete the last page the system will automatically assess your exposure to currently known memetic viruses and suggest remedial actions

And my results back from the cyber doc:

The virus that have infected you will be show here along with thier cures, if known.

Viruses you suffer from:

Junkfood

Eat some real food. Something which you can identify the source of every ingredient, not the point of manufacture.

Sci-fi

Stop wearing the stick-on ears.

BBCB

CTRL-Break, and get a real computer. Repeat: "Mode 7 was not a good thing."

8-Bit

Polygons, all the polygons you can get are not enough.

British

No need for cure. Benign virus.

Windows

Try MacOS X. It's based on UNIX, it has a smoother UI than Windows and it doesn't suck.
As an extra feature the boxes look nice.

Politics

Stop caring!

Brand Names

Having a well-known name doesn't make it good.

Hippyism

Free love is passe and potentially dangerous, and patchouli smells like cat piss.

Conspiracy Theory

Face it, the elected government is in control. Actually that's quite scary.

Environmentalism

Consume more stuff! It's easier to buy new stuff than to recycle.

Macintosh

Use a mouse with more than one button.

Prog Rock

Long hair looks dumb with a bald spot. Listen to CD's they don't crackle.

Cars

There just hunks of metal which go real fast. Ride a bike through London at rush hour.

Viruses you might suffer from:

Pokemon (60%)

Pikachu! Use your hyper-electric-get-a-life move now!

Linux (80%)

Install the latest version of Microsoft Windows. Learn to love it.

USA (90%)

Rule, Britannia! Britannia rule the waves! [repeat]

Goth (90%)

Grow up. Let your roots grow out. Listen to Britney.

Religion (70%)

Read "God's Debris" by Scott Adams (yes, the Dilbert guy)

Japan (60%)

Big is good. Small is bad. Giant robots would not make a good last line of defence for Earth.

Discordia (70%)

Buy a suit. Invest your money. Eat hotdog buns on a friday.

Computer Games (80%)

Stop staring at the screen and get some fresh air. You should see a doctor about the RSI in your thumbs.

Football (75%)

Do something unhealthy and indoors, away from the Bears.

All simplistic stuff but interesting and quick nontheless have a go here

Blasphemy

Ba's post about Christopher Hitchen's new book God is Not Great reminded me of the Blasphemy Debate at the Hay on Wye Festival 2005. Chaired by Joan Bakewell and inspired by the Incitement to Religious Hatred Bill, which had been announced in the Queen's Speech the previous month.

Click for MP3 (78mins)

It's called a debate but to be more accurate it's a discussion. Stephen Fry and Christopher Hitchens cover issues of freedom of speech, religious tolerance, multiculturalism and orthodoxy. Fascinating, though-provoking and as you'd expect from two such consummate orators extremely entertaining.

Listening to two secular thinkers discussing blasphemy and issues of religion may be preaching to the choir somewhat, but it's lovely to hear my thoughts on a subject being expressed so much better than I could manage. If you can't manage to listen to it let me leave you with Stephen Fry's rather more economical assessment from an episode of QI

"Religion, I shit it."

What's in a name?

A Catholic school in Australia is refusing to enrol a five-year-old unless he changes his surname.

St Peter Apostle School in Melbourne suggested that Max Hell would only be admitted if he used his mother's maiden name. His father initially agreed. But when it came to signing the enrolment forms Alex Hall decided to defend his family's name.

Mr Hell, a Catholic father of three commented "So what if I've got a name like Hell? That's my family history and my name." Mr Hell, 45, who is of Austrian heritage, said his surname meant light or bright in German. "It's 2007, not 1407 - it's not the Dark Ages."

"I've had enough. I was ridiculed as a child... I want him to be accepted as Max Hell, but obviously he's not," he said.

Yeah, well it's all very well laughing at the school authorities now - but what if this kid does indeed turn out to be some form of anti-christ eh? Who'll be laughing then?

The school board also expressed some concern over a pupil from Woolamaloo, Bruce 'Schism between the Councils of Ephesus and Chalcedon' Bailey.

Well what DO you believe in?

Interesting question really... what do I believe in? Do you have to believe in something?

Quite a common post when you read one of those interminable threads full of people debating religion/atheism goes the lines of "well if you have no faith then your life is essentially empty and meaningless"

I could respond in a couple of ways. It's rather arrogant to suggest that my answer to that rather provocative statement would be similar to any other atheist's. Leaving aside the many different answers I might give about my meaningful and fulfilling secular life... does there have to be a point?

For a large portion of post-religious people in the industrialised world they put their belief and faith into something equally diaphanous. These people believe in "The Market".

"The Market will drive prosperity", "Market forces will improve our schools and hospitals". Market forces are lies that parents tell their children because they want them to grow up and become economists. The reality of the sleight of hand we are all engaged in - economics and world banking is so crazy and ultimately doomed that it strikes me as being just as odd a belief system as any other religion.

This film starts off with the very basic concept of money as an IOU, but soon describes a very worrying alternative faith that is surely going to destroy the planet if left unchecked.

It's 45mins long, but worth it.

My head hurts. Other parts, too.

I need a vacation. I'm thinking Petersburg, Kentucky. Anyone care to join me?

Or maybe I just need some domestic discipline (H/T to Boing Boing, via Sysm).

Parental Advisory

This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully and critically considered.

Wording taken verbatim from the sticker designed by the Cobb County ("A community with a passion for learning") School District, Georgia.

As of December 19th, 2006, the courts have upheld the initial ruling that the sticker was unconstitutional. The district is now on double-secret probation: (is it me or does 'double-secret probation' sound like something a seven year old made up?) it can't do anything that similarly undermines the teaching of evolution or that similarly supports the presence and activities of supernatural entities. Details can be had at the National Center for Science Education.

I've always been a huge fan of the people who when presented with an oaf, a bully, or a ridiculous belief don't start foaming at the mouth and raising their voice. Rather they use wit, wisdom and panache. In the battle of wits a calmly made point delivered with a withering smile can be as devastating as a stiletto in the kidneys.

So kudos to this fella for making a supporting range of stickers for textbook usage. Here are a couple of favourites, I urge you to take a look at the others.