Sunday, February 3, 2008

Project Title: Better Living Through God


Best. Science project. Ever.

Question: Do unchristians make less moral choices than Christians?

Hypothesis: The Bible is the perfect guide to life that shows us how to be moral people. Without believing in the Bible you can't know God and he can't guide you and give you rewards for being a good person. I think people who aren't Christian will be less successful.

Experiment: I will interview thirty people and ask them if they are Christian. I will give them the same questions so I have a control sample. I think they are immoral if they score lower than 15.

Questions I will ask. There are 20 points available.
1. Have you ever spoke the name of our Lord in vain?
2. Have you ever killed another human being?
3. Have you every lied?
4. Have you ever had relations before marriage?
5. Do you go to church every Sunday or once a week?
6. Do you wish you had more stuff?
7. Do you gossip?
8. Do you give to charity?
9. Do you listen to rap or heavy metal music?
10. Have you ever had an abortion or been pro-choice?
11. Have you ever read Harry Potter or Spiderwick Chronicles or the Golden Compass?
12. Do you see movies with unwholesome content?
13. Do you pray every day?
14. Do you believe that God is the creator of heaven and earth?
15. Are you overweight because you eat too much?
16. Do you take pride in accomplishments other than service to God?
17. Do you put God and Jesus first?
18. Do you view pornography?
19. Do you practice temperance in every thing you do?
20. Are you quick to anger?

The conclusions. Hooray for the scientific method!

And hooray for Sysm for sending me this little delight.

My answers are in the comment hole.

4 comments:

Tits McGee said...

1. Have you ever spoke the name of our Lord in vain? Frequently and with relish.
2. Have you ever killed another human being? No.
3. Have you every lied? Yes.
4. Have you ever had relations before marriage? Oh my, yes.
5. Do you go to church every Sunday or once a week? Hell no.
6. Do you wish you had more stuff? Not especially.
7. Do you gossip? Enthusiastically.
8. Do you give to charity? Yes.
9. Do you listen to rap or heavy metal music? Yes.
10. Have you ever had an abortion or been pro-choice? Both.
11. Have you ever read Harry Potter or Spiderwick Chronicles or the Golden Compass? Yes.
12. Do you see movies with unwholesome content? I'm not entirely sure what "unwholesome" means, but I'm quite sure my answer should be yes.
13. Do you pray every day? No.
14. Do you believe that God is the creator of heaven and earth? No.
15. Are you overweight because you eat too much? Yes.
16. Do you take pride in accomplishments other than service to God? Yes.
17. Do you put God and Jesus first? No.
18. Do you view pornography? Oh my, yes.
19. Do you practice temperance in every thing you do? Hell no.
20. Are you quick to anger? Fuck you, I mean, yes. Now go fuck yourself.

I think this means I scored a three, which is awesome.

I'm going to go listen to some rap music while watching porn and stuffing my face like a fat, heathen pig. Anyone care to join me?

Chris said...

I proved it with science!

epic fail

Sysm said...

1. Your Lord? Yes.
2. My aim is shit.
3. I have never ever ever lied
4. God, yes.
5. C
6. Now, I'm happy with my endowment
7. Nah
8. If I do, it's really not anybody's business. Charity does not equal image advertising.
9. Kinda. But there's almost as much shitty metal as their is shitty christian music
10. Yes
11. Yes.
12. It's one of the basic prerequisites.
13. I wonder at the beauty of the natural world, and the infinite cosmos. Every fucking day.
14. Sure. Gd created heaven. In the same sense that Batman created the Batmobile. He co-opted plans from Wayne Enterprises.
15. I'm overweight because I'm an American.
16. I take pride in choices I make that help others
17. If I have to alphabetize, then thats the correct order.
18. View? That's far too passive a term
19. Every other thing.
20. Not. quick. enough.

Tits McGee said...

Chris - Totally. Also, find more epic failure here.

Sysm - I look forward to spending an eternity roasting in the flames with you.