Merry Christmas to All(ah)!

Dr. Sardonic, enjoying a country music Christmas at his mother's house (Noel, y'all), and I were talking on the phone, and we found that we were both doing the same thing this year. To virtually anyone who says "Happy Holidays," we respond with "Merry Christmas." Just for the sheer delight of watching their social discomfort, not for any sympathy to the people who buy into the "War on Christmas."

But speaking of wars, and Christmas...

I sat through a Catholic mass yesterday with the Sysmistress and children. The deacon was offering the usual litany of prayers, asking for divine protection for health care providers, law enforcement, and "especially our service people defending our freedoms in Iraq and Afghanistan."

Especially? Really? Shouldn't the most protection go out to the poor? The sick? The elderly? Those battling with drugs or alcohol? For that fact, everyone on a hard road, saint and sinner alike? There should be no "especially". Ever. I have sympathy and compassion for the troops. I don't agree with how they've been deployed. And I certainly don't agree with the idea that the aggressive actions that they've been charged with our defending or protecting us.

And then I heard this thing on the radio. No. Fuck no. Make that shit stop.

Military force should never, ever, ever, ever, ever be linked to religious expression, no matter how fucked up (Santa = God = USA = Military = Sunshine = Lollipops) . Nothing could be more secular.

Santa, Meet Jesus; Jesus, Santa

So what exactly was it that Santa did in the years before Jesus was born?

Enemies of reason

"I want to believe" Mulder had that on a poster of a 'UFO' if I remember correctly - and that's the whole thing right there isn't it? If you really want there to be aliens/deities/zombies then that'll be the first place you go to...

Derren Brown will be familiar to most Britons - he performs illusions, acts of mentalism and so forth, rather brilliantly too. One of Brown's most admirable characteristics is his insistence that its all a trick, the result of various techniques expertly applied. Here he's in conversation with Richard Dawkins about how so-called psychics work...



Oh by the way, it's clip 1 of 6.

Holy Decapitation!

OK, so God Almighty hasn't quite mastered navigating old men, but he's still excellent at parallel parking.

Fred Phelps Sr. is also a poet now.

“You’d better watch out, get ready to cry, You’d better go hide, I’m telling you why ‘cuz Santa Claus will take you to hell. He is your favorite idol, you worship at his feet, but when you stand before your God He won’t help you take the heat. So get this fact straight: you’re feeling God’s hate, Santa’s to blame for the economy’s fate, Santa Claus will take you to hell.”

Happy Heathendays!

Isaac Newton Christmas Card!

Atheists sue to take God out of state's terrorism law

In the suit, American Atheists argues that Homeland Security should focus on public-safety threats rather than promote religion. The suit notes that the federal and state homeland security agencies were created as a result of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks by Muslim fundamentalists, and it refers to those attacks as "a faith-based initiative."

The plaintiffs ask for the homeland security law to be stripped of its references to God. They also ask for monetary damages, claiming to have suffered sleeping disorders and "mental pain and anguish."

"Plaintiffs also suffer anxiety from the belief that the existence of these unconstitutional laws suggest that their very safety as residents of Kentucky may be in the hands of fanatics, traitors or fools," according to the suit.

Fisting and God's Will

In the Song of Solomon, the Bible describes the act of fisting and the profound erotic bliss it induces: It is the voice of my beloved! He knocks, saying, "Open for me, my sister, my love, My dove, my perfect one”…My love thrust his hand through the opening, and my feelings were stirred for him. (Song of Solomon 5:2-4).

Here we see the lover gently coaxing his companion to open up to him, metaphorically “knocking at her door,” preparing her sexually and emotionally to receive his hand inside her. Gradually he works more and more fingers into her, until the moment when her vagina yields and his hand slips fully inside her, thrusting “through the opening.” She then describes the powerful passion that this arouses in her as she envelopes his entire hand inside her body. Many couples describe this moment, as the fist makes full penetration into the vaginal opening, as transcendent and a sexual revelation. As the woman’s body accommodates her husband’s hand, both may experience a sense of physical, sexual, emotional, and spiritual oneness.

Illustrated Stories From The Bible

Jesus Is Fucking Awesome!

http://jesus.isfuckingaweso.me/




bonus:

Stop worrying

I rarely venture into The Smoke (London) these days, but I gather from those who do that there is a growing trend for adverts on public transport for evangelical religious groups, and not just the sort suggesting that you may want to pop in for tea and cakes - more the sort that suggest you're a filthy sinner who is destined for eternal pain and torment.

In a charming reaction The Atheist Bus Campaign launches today, Tuesday October 21 2008.

With your support, we hope to raise £5,500 to run 30 buses across the capital for four weeks with the slogan: "There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life."




Professor Richard Dawkins, bestselling author of The God Delusion, is officially supporting the Atheist Bus Campaign, and has generously agreed to match all donations up to a maximum of £5,500, giving us a total of £11,000 if we reach the full amount - enough for a much bigger campaign. The British Humanist Association have kindly agreed to administer all donations.

Priest off!

Mephistopholes' Metadata

Remember the news story from earlier this year abut the guy in Kansas whose girlfriend was literally stuck on a toilet for two years? And how by some act of satanic justice, he won the lottery? Well, he just won it again. No less strange, after I clicked that story off of the NYT home page, the banner ad that appeared to the right of the article was an animated graphic from the Mormons, whose first frame appears above. God apparently not only cares, but reads my browser cookies as well. More likely, though, Satan just has some excellent media buyers.

Did You Know...?

God prefers atheists?

Well s/he does.

God hates shrimp

Good news - it turns out that those weird people who really really get into internet memes have their uses after all.

from the Arkansas Times

What do you do to make a bunch of soulless nutcases abandon their post at the Convention Center? Send in the pirates!

Yep, the cuckoo Phelps hate group walked the plank this morning after a happy bunch dressed like pirates and holding signs saying "God hates shrimp -- Leviticus" and "God hates cotton-polyester blends" stood opposite them at the corner of Markham and Scott streets. The group, made up of Central Arkansas Pastafarians, waved swords and growled "Arrghh!" in a manner that would have made Abbie Hoffman proud.

With cars honking and waving at the pirates and a TV crew giving them all the attention, the Phelps group -- with a child in tow, sadly -- picked up their "fag" epithets and went away. Pitiful.

Ha ha! Good one. Now just get the fuck away from me when I'm trying to get some work done and stop talking like a pirate you freakin nonce.

Loving Minister Prevented From Raping Comatose Wife

The nursing home in which the stroke-ravaged woman was receiving "total care" videotaped the randy clergyman sexing up his unconscious wife. His defense was that he had a legitimate expectation of privacy while visiting his property.

I propose we pass the plate and get him something to occupy his insatiable self in jail (link NSFW).

Film Actors Guild

I've never had much of an opinion on Matt Damon one way or another, I haven't even seen any of his Bourne flicks. I also used to work full-time with actors, so naturally my appraisal of them generally isn't very high (don't get me started on child actors).

That opinion just rose immensely when I saw this though...




On a bit of a side note, I was considering the other day that whilst it is terribly fashionable to crticise the USA for the amount of influence religious leaders seem to have on politics can anybody name a "First World" democracy where unelected religious leaders have an automatic seat in the second house?

The ironing is delicious

Okay its two years old, I remember at the time thinking "you fucking morons shouldn't receive the oxygen of publicity. In fact you shouldn't receive the oxygen of oxygen". Consider this a 'greatest hit', an oldie but goldie.

Jesus Is My Friend

And A Free Lunch is There Are None

God Prevents Further Escalation

According to the criminal complaint, Sullivan told authorities he was close to committing more serious crimes before his arrest last month, including rape and murder, but that his religious beliefs prevented him from following through.

However, religion did allow Sullivan to send threatening letters to some of the women, which included pictures of Barbie dolls with their heads cut off and statements such as, “your head will be cut off, skinned, boiled, baked, we will have your skull at our table of sacrifice,” according to the criminal complaint.

Thanks, religion!

Caught up in the rapture

Both the lovely Tits McGee and I came upon this slender missive during our summer getaways.

48 blank pages, followed by "It's fiction, dumb ass" on the back cover.

The next day, I drove past a truck emblazoned with "Jesus Christ is LORD! Not a curse word!"

Why not both?

Soul Music for the Asses

For those concerned they might look too cool playing Guitar Hero, here's a Christian version. I'd be willing to spring for the deluxe model featuring remote detonation.

The Carrot or the Stick*

According to an affidavit, Boatman "became enraged" on Monday after the child brought home the bad-behavior report and said, "Boy, do you want to go to hell or to God?"


*Not the sexy kind of carrots and sticks. The abusive kind.

Richard Dawkins Reads His Hate Mail

Nuns Are Hot

What does the Catholic Church really need? To fight the stereotype that nuns are old and dour.

I'd like to note that in my Google image search for this post, I saw a great many things I wish I could unsee.

God bless EA's marketing department

Cynical marketing deliberately having a poke at people's beliefs? Quite possibly.

Likelihood of this being picked up by some fire and brimstone wingnut with a passion for self publicity? High.

Likely to offend deep in the Bible Belt?




Perhaps... there are still golf courses where they don't like to see a coloured (unless he's carrying the bag of bats).

...and should we crush his sweet hands?

Once a popular and well-respected church music director in Eagle River, Paul Michael “Ziggy” Ziegfield Stardust left the Vilas County Courthouse Friday a convicted sex offender bound for a prison cell.


“I shudder to think of the number of girls you have violated over the years of moving and changing your name,” she said. "(In prison) you will no longer be the powerful, in control person you have always strived to be. I’m sure in prison you will find there are many more people who are more powerful and more in control that you could have ever dreamed to be.”


“You ruined God for me,” she said. “I don’t understand church anymore.”


Stardust’s wife, Merry, also asked for leniency. She testified she doesn’t believe her husband goes looking for young girls but conceded he has made mistakes. “He really does love people. He goes out of his way to make people feel loved but he hasn’t always done that wisely,” she said.

Let It Rain

Focus on the Family Action pulled a video from its Web site Monday that asked people to pray for "rain of biblical proportions" during Barack Obama's Aug. 28 appearance at Invesco Field in Denver to accept the Democratic nomination for president.

Road-Ragin' Preacher

She testified the preacher pulled up alongside her car, pointed a gun at her, called her a name and asked if she knew who she was messing with before threatening to shoot.

Everybody liked him, said he was a kind man. And they liked the way he ministered.

Well his wife may not have thought he was kind—he apparently killed her and stuffed her in a freezer. His 19-year-old daughter also might not like how he ministered either. Because he was raping her. But I'm sure his Jesus will forgive him. Not for his good works either. Just because he asked his Jesus to. Nice Jesus you got going there, asshole.

It's educational!!!

I have a few observations:

-If wearing a beard that bogus looking isn't a sin, it should be.

-What is the point of a recording of a ventriloquism act? "Wow, it really sounds like that guy isn't moving his lips when the dummy speaks."

-How can Volume Three possibly live up to the brilliance of Volumes One and Two?

-The ventriloquist dummy looks like a dwarf who enjoys watching strangers use the toilet.

Carlin on Religion

...which, apparently, he thought was bullshit.

"We Can Do It Without Religion"

Possibly the best thing I've ever heard on the radio.

"'God Bless America'. What the fuck does that mean?"

We'll miss you, George; you were the best.

Nietzsche: The Pub and the Church

"A known Antichrist" — a wonderful intro:

Too bad

I so wanted to call this one, "I Got Jew Babe", but alas, Sonny was a Roman Catholic and Scientologist. Cher is, well, a deity in her own right.

One Man's Atheist's Nightmare

...is another man's imperfectly designed butt plug:



...and that other man just happens to be guy on the right, who seems to really perk up at the mention of "squirt in your face".

Faith Cancelled!

I noticed that the best show on radio had been quiet for a while; I just figured that Faith Salie & Co. were taking a little summer break. But no: PRI has killed them. Fair Game was the raciest show ever on radio, not to mention the smartest (Faith is the only Rhodes scholar I'm aware of to choose a career in stand-up). I heard lots of great music for the first time on her show (including Nellie McKay, Tunng, and Brooklyn's own Au Revoir Simone). She competently lampooned religionists, Republicans, and many others deserving of her acid bath of wit. The real trouble probably started earlier this year with a skit about a Huckabee family Eucharist recipe for “Deep-Fried Body of Christ"? That's not the kind of material I'm going to be able to find on the Food Channel.

It's easier to get into Heaven if you're not so fat

If you move to Florida, you can work out with Jesus! And I know just what you can wear while you're working out with Him! Righteous!

Jesus Made Me Puke

Matt Taibbi goes undercover with the Christian Right and writes about it in Rolling Stone.

"So I'm telling you now, as you go into your groups," the pastor explained, "don't be afraid to look behind the bush."

I wrote in my binder: "LOOK BEHIND THE BUSH."

Hm. Perhaps that's my problem. Here, all this time, I've been looking in the bush.

Join the rebellion

Christians Try to Squish Slut-Fish

Piscine promiscuity proponents vanquish Christians with laughter.

Search for vagina continues.



All told, has coffee ever been more stimulating?

The Fluids for Christ Pledge

I, _____________, swear before God and all others present that I understand the importance of Christian Fluids. I will do my best to advise friends, relatives, medical professionals, and random strangers of my decision. I understand that Winston T. Katt is not a medical professional and cannot supply medical advice, but I choose to reap the benefits of his experience with God's Modern Technology. I choose to accept Christian Fluids only from those denominations noted on the back of my pledge card. I choose Fluids for Christ!

^* Fluids for Christ has no authority to give medical advice. If you find yourself in a life-threatening situation and Christian Fluids are unavailable, please consult your pastor.

Church Sign Causes Controversy

Pastor Byrd says the sign is not meant to be racial or political but rather to make people think. "His name [Obama] is so close to Osama I have a feeling he might be Islamic therefore he doesn't recognize Christ," Pastor Byrd said.

Jonesville Church of God does not have any African American members.

TELL IT LIKE IT IS!

Kingdom Identity Ministries is a Politically Incorrect Christian Identity outreach ministry to God's chosen race (true Israel, the White, European peoples). We proclaim the Gospel of the Kingdom (government according to God's Law) through books, tracts, tapes, videos, the American Institute of Theology Bible Correspondence Course, our international Herald of Truth Radio Broadcasts, a Prison Ministry, Biblical Counseling, Seminars, and other means. The Elect Remnant, Christian Patriots, Nationalists, Reconstructionists, Racialists, and all seeking a higher level of understanding will learn Biblical solutions to personal and national problems, and be given keys to unlock hidden truth.

When you put it like that...

...it actually sounds quite cool!

We Love You And Help You Out!

People !
98 % of you work their way to the Dark worlds
by means of individual choices.
Even NOW is your mind remotely controlled
up to 95 % by saurians from the Dark worlds. (2007)
After implanting CHIPS into your bodies
you will be controlled soon from 99,9 % !
Only 2 % of you head for Heaven
and thus steer clear of the chip totality.
You have still opportunity to increase this percentage
by way of working on yourselves and with yourselves !
YOU HAVE STILL YOUR LIFE IN YOUR HANDS !

The Who Did What Now?

Feel persecuted much, blessedwhatever.clownpenis.fart?

Moses Rants

Who woulda thunkit? Moses sounds like he comes from Wolverhampton.

You Don't Know Dick

Enraging

Parents choose prayer over medical treatment for their daughter. She dies.

Flying Spaghetti Monster takes up residence at county courthouse

Among the county's historic directional sign post, farm equipment and gazebo stand several monuments and expressions of free speech. The displays include an Iraq and Afghanistan Soldier's Memorial, Statue of Liberty, chainsaw-carved monkeys and bears, Jesus carrying a cross, and the most recent display added — a Flying Spaghetti Monster.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the latest display to a slew of others that have been erected on the lawn over the past year. Several marches and demonstrations have also taken place on the courthouse grounds.

Our New Superhero: The Laughing Atheist

Sanal Edamaruku, the president of Rationalist International, withstood two solid hours of death curses, evil spells, and vigorous hand-waving by India's foremost tantrik, Pandit Surinder Sharma. It all started as a political row (Sharma is a true political Pandit), and the whole encounter was covered live on Indian TV. His only defense against the powers of Darth Sharma was laughter, which seemed to work, in spades. After the alotted two hours of death curses had expired, the Pandit explained that Sanal was obviously being protected by a very powerful god that he worshipped. “No, I am an atheist,” said Sanal. The Pandit warned Sanal not to provoke him to use his double-secret, super-powerful evil curse which, as it happens, can only be invoked at night. So Sanal challenged him to try again that very night, again on live TV, which the network carried as "Breaking News".

Wanna guess how things turned out? Full coverage here. (Thanks, Cory!)

Sweet Justice

PZ Myers recently wrote a hilarious post about his experience getting booted from a screening of Ben Stein's creationist propaganda film "Expelled."

The kicker? While Myers was asked to leave, his guests were allowed to view the movie. Among his guests: Richard Dawkins.

All I have to say about that is this.

Hummana Hummana Hamantaschen

Who needs presents when you can eat hamantaschen?

A Prurient Purim to One and All!

Just Yell Over the Name

it's Purim.


the only Jewish holiday that's fun.


and you don't even get presents.


no matter what you believe about god, that kinda sucks.

Jesus Built His Hot Rod

Since 1991, leaders of the Harrisburg-based Lower Susquehanna Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America had assumed that millions in endowment money was going to missionary work overseas and to pastors in need of financial assistance.

Barry R. Herr, the synod's treasurer for 28 years, was responsible for making sure it did.

Instead, police and church officials say, Herr funneled more than $1 million into a bogus bank account, transferred it to his personal account and used it to buy classic cars.

Religion Now As Easy As Weight Loss and Erections

Directions: As a dietary supplement, take three (3) capsules twice daily, preferably with meals.

Warning: Do not use if pregnant or nursing. Consult your physician prior to use if you have a medical condition or are taking medications.

Seven New Sins!

A new list! I love lists!

The Vatican has put together a list of seven "social" sins:

1. "Bioethical" violations such as birth control

2. "Morally dubious" experiments such as stem cell research

3. Drug abuse

4. Polluting the environment

5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor

6. Excessive wealth

7. Creating poverty

The original deadly sins:

1. Pride

2. Envy

3. Gluttony

4. Lust

5. Anger

6. Greed

7. Sloth

I was four for seven out of the original list, but can only claim two out of the new seven. Or three, if you consider my choice to be a public schoolteacher "creating poverty."

Maybe I should think about graduate work in bioengineering. Excessive wealth and morally dubious experiments! Whee!

Top Ten Moments in the Race for "Pastor-in-Chief"

30-Day Sex Challenge

If you're married, schtupp your spouse every day for the next 30 days. If you're single, keep it in your pants. The challenge is posed by a church, and they have a blog where idiots can post the tiresome minutia of their pathetic lives. Just like us. Well, me, specifically.

Let us bow our heads in thanks for atheists

This journalist is able to sum up the personalities of all atheists in one column of, er, column. All kidding aside, I'm sure none of you Godless demons would stick your neck out to defend Xtians (why bother, we're all going to nowhere in the end anyway...). Let's see, have I failed to taunt anyone sufficiently? Hey bulimics: stop fucking barfing already!

My painful life

I was browsing in one of Milton Keynes bookshops this week. I know paper and card how quaint, what a Victorian affectation. I was interested in reading about contemporary political journalism and was keen to revisit those heady days of the early nineties when a page of political analysis didn't have a thread composed of dimwits hurling abuse at each other at the bottom as a matter of course.

This particular bookshop doesn't have a section devoted to journalism. Frustrating for me, but I suppose unlike their competitors with virtual miles of pristine shelving they have to make tough decisions about what exactly does get shelf space.

And so it was a mixture of surprise and contempt that I discovered two whole bookcases dedicated to... well I was so flabbergasted I had to take a picture with my somewhat poor camera phone (click it for bigness)...


Painful Lives. There is now a literary genre called Painful Lives. As a graphic designer these books offend me, it certainly won't be the first or last time that a massive bestseller's design style is aped by a load of 'me too' wanabees but it still pisses me off. White or cream background? Check. B/W or Sepia pic of mournful looking child? Check. Hideous script font? Check. Now we simply top it off with a promo line promising tales of abuse on a scale previously unimagined.

That's right the Painful Lives genre was started with tales of poverty, simple Oirish poverty, but is now stories of horrific childhood abuse.

Contemporary British culture and commentary would have you believe that there is no crime more heinous and unspeakable than abusing a child. Well I say unspeakable except for the miles of newsprint dedicated to it, the desperate hand wringing discussions; and presumably after a hard days toil a significant proportion of Britons retire to bed with a weighty volume full of the stuff. Am I the only person who finds this creepy in the extreme?

Catholic Children's Costumes

Why? I think the website covers that...

Why Catholic Children's Costumes?

Aside from the obvious Catholic reasons, we are absolutely horrified at the costumes that are being offered this season.

Want to dress your little girl like a street walker or jail bait?

Perhaps you'd like to encourage pedophilia.

This company has the solution.

And it looks so darling! Hmmm, but I do like to encourage pedophilia... oof I'm torn.

Spray It, Don't Say It

Too Easy

Rio de Janeiro's world-famous statue of Christ the Redeemer was struck by lightning during a thunderstorm over the Brazilian city on Sunday.

Turn me on

Just wow

Project Title: Better Living Through God

Best. Science project. Ever.

Question: Do unchristians make less moral choices than Christians?

Hypothesis: The Bible is the perfect guide to life that shows us how to be moral people. Without believing in the Bible you can't know God and he can't guide you and give you rewards for being a good person. I think people who aren't Christian will be less successful.

Experiment: I will interview thirty people and ask them if they are Christian. I will give them the same questions so I have a control sample. I think they are immoral if they score lower than 15.

Questions I will ask. There are 20 points available.
1. Have you ever spoke the name of our Lord in vain?
2. Have you ever killed another human being?
3. Have you every lied?
4. Have you ever had relations before marriage?
5. Do you go to church every Sunday or once a week?
6. Do you wish you had more stuff?
7. Do you gossip?
8. Do you give to charity?
9. Do you listen to rap or heavy metal music?
10. Have you ever had an abortion or been pro-choice?
11. Have you ever read Harry Potter or Spiderwick Chronicles or the Golden Compass?
12. Do you see movies with unwholesome content?
13. Do you pray every day?
14. Do you believe that God is the creator of heaven and earth?
15. Are you overweight because you eat too much?
16. Do you take pride in accomplishments other than service to God?
17. Do you put God and Jesus first?
18. Do you view pornography?
19. Do you practice temperance in every thing you do?
20. Are you quick to anger?

The conclusions. Hooray for the scientific method!

And hooray for Sysm for sending me this little delight.

My answers are in the comment hole.

Richard Dawkins Memorial Service

Richard Dawkins has proven to be one of the most wicked human beings to ever walk the earth. Preachingyourfuneral.com plans to have a funeral service for Mr. Dawkins On Friday.




P.S. Mr. Dawkins is not yet dead. "Preaching your funeral before you die is a dramatization of what will happen when individuals die rejecting Christ."

P.P.S. The "memorial" is not for Chocolate Thunder. He's actually the 7th most wicked man to walk the Earth. So no doubt they'll work their way down to him in about five weeks.

The Other Son

Because, let's face it, it wouldn't be a true fraternichrist mockumentary unless overweight women were ridiculed.

God's house moves in mysterious ways

Daniel Pemberton is a prolific composer of TV themes/music as well as writing (he's the fella behind Shoreditch Twat). Here's a song he composed for a programme about feats of engineering skill involving a church being moved miles across the US on the back of a very big lorry.

Against a stark blue sky some of the footage is almost Fellini-esque or reminiscent of a LemonJelly cover, and when the music kicks in I'm reminded of Terry Gilliam's best work on Monty Python's Flying Circus.

Revival!

The WSJ reports on churches who are reviving the practice of shunning.

A church member asked her to leave, saying she was not welcome, but Mrs. Caskey told him she had come to worship and asked if they could speak after the service. Twenty minutes into the service, a sheriff's officer was at her side, and an hour later, she was in jail.

"It was very humiliating," says Mrs. Caskey, who worked for the state of Michigan for 25 years before retiring from the Department of Corrections in 1992. "The other prisoners were surprised to see a little old lady in her church clothes. One of them said, 'You robbed a church?' and I said, 'No, I just attended church.' "

That’s Entertainment ... Or Is It?

It all started with my favorite childhood movie, The Incredible Mr. Limpet. When I found the VHS, I was ecstatic to share it with my two children (then 15 and 16) and my wife. We were no more than ten minutes into the 1964 classic when I was caught off guard. “Do you realize our ancestors were fish?” Henry Limpet (played by Don Knotts) tells his friend.

“Whoa! Stop the tape, kids; we need to talk.”

Happy Monday

I don't think I've read anything this year that made me as happy as the following:

Athiests as a Majority

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go fuck a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END

Scary, isn't it?

Read more, here. You'll die. Laughing. And spend the passage of no time in oblivion.

Someone's in the kitchen with His Noodly Appendage

Edible Flying Spaghetti Monster! Make your own!

Tales of the Darkseid

This DIY Chick tract is almost as creepy as the real thing!

Pope prays to rid priesthood of paedophilia

The Times reports that

Pope Benedict XVI has instructed Roman Catholics to pray “in perpetuity” to cleanse the Church of paedophile clergy. All dioceses, parishes, monasteries, convents and seminaries will be expected to organise continuous daily prayers to express penitence and to purify the clergy.

Vatican officials said that every parish or institution should designate a person or group each day to conduct continuous prayers for the Church to rid itself of the scandal of sexual abuse by clergy. Alternatively, churches in the same diocese could share the duty. Prayer would take place in one parish for 24 hours, then move to another.

Well thank goodness they're organising it along scientific lines eh? It would be a real shame if god ignored their heartfelt pleas because of a technical prayer issue.

I'd advise anybody who works for a large organisation that has concrete proof of colleagues breaking the law, perhaps cooking the books or exploiting employees, to wish really hard that it wasn't happening - yeah that's probably the best solution.

Whether you believe in god and the efficacy of prayer or not it's hard to think of something more horrifically patronising than this news. When it comes to prayer I'm with Emo Phillips:

When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord didn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked him to forgive me.

Hypothetically speaking...

Just as a thought experiment.

If somehow all trace of religiosity were removed from the planet earth; no believers, no texts, no cathedrals no trace at all... (I stress this is a hypothetical idea, I'm not advocating the complete removal of all traces of religion from planet Earth even if it were possible)

...what would happen within two generations? Within a hundred, a thousand?

My completely unqualified surmise is that faiths and religion would spring up, humans appear to be inclined toward it, it just wouldn't be Judaism, Islam Christianity or any of the current crop.